This is the very first article that I've written about my personal life. I am not gonna lie and say 'Oh yeah, I've always wanted to do this', because it took me so long to come to the conclusion that it is okay to share my experience with my readers. I fell in love for the first time this year, he was not my first boyfriend, but he was definitely my first love. We had a very silent breakup. There was no fighting, no yelling and definitely no pointing fingers but that doesn't mean that there was no heartbreak, because I can one hundred percent assure you that there was, on my part at least.
I did not want to give up on my relationship with him. Ever since school started, there was this palpable space that kept getting bigger and bigger between us. I tried to stop it, but the only way to close that space was for us two to work together and put the same amount of effort in our relationship. In my view, I had put so much effort already but he wasn't doing the same. But of course, during that time, I was too blind to see it. Well.. probably not. Maybe I just tried to ignore it. I just kept telling myself that he probably just wanted to spend more time with his friends and family, because we pretty much spent the whole summer together. But a week would pass without us talking. Before that, it would usually be him who would start the conversation with his good morning messages, but it all stopped. We were not able to stop the space, it only got bigger and before we became aware of it, there was already a wall that kept getting higher and higher, thicker and thicker.
I sent him a message one night confronting him about the space and the lack of communication between us. I told him maybe we should take a break. I never wanted to break up with him, I honestly thought he would fight for me and tell me 'no'. I waited and waited, but I never got that.
The very first week of the breakup was the hardest. There was so many tears shed in the dark and sleepless nights. I could not focus on anything even in school, because I kept waiting for him to text me and tell me he still wanted to be with me. Every morning, I would wake up, and the very first thing I would do was check my phone to see if he changed his mind. I feel like there are still a lot of unanswered questions, but the questions are still unknown and hidden in the back of my mind not wanting to be asked.
I am very lucky that I have friends who made sure I was okay every day during those dark times, who would listen to me, who would just let me cry when I needed to and who were willing to sacrifice their time to hang out with me because I was feeling lonely. They never got tired of the same questions I always asked them, ''When will I be okay?'' ''When will I move on?'' ''When will I be able to let go?'' They would always give me the answers I needed to hear.
Letting go is definitely the hardest part of any breakup. It does not matter if you were the one who broke up with the other person, or you were the one who got dumped, it's still a change in your life. You are so used to talking to him every single day and every single second but that all suddenly stops. Every morning you wake up and check your phone but you instantly realise that you will not find any messages from him because it's over between you two. It might be hard in the first few weeks or months, but I can promise you that it will get better soon.
1.) Surround Yourself with True Friends
My friends definitely helped me get over the break up and be my true self again. They were always there for me, I could just call them whenever I'm feeling down and they would always cheer me up.
2.) Be Sad
If you're sad be sad, if you want to cry, then cry. Listen to Adele's songs, because that was definitely one of the things I did. Sometimes all you really need is a good cry and to let it all out. Maybe a good movie and a Ben & Jerry's ice cream will make you feel better.
3.) Stay Away
I know I said 'if you're sad be sad', but after a week of that make sure you stop and start to focus on positive things. And yes, take a break from listening to Adele's songs. I'm pretty sure Adele will understand!
4.) Be Busy
You've probably heard this already, but it is true. You might find it hard at the beginning because focusing is just not your thing at the moment, but once you're really, really busy and there are things that need to be done, you will just find yourself thinking and realising that you have not thought about them.
5.) Be YOURSELF
No matter how much the person you love hurts you, never ever lose who you are. LOVE YOURSELF. It's not selfish to take care and love yourself. Choose happiness, be happy with yourself. Before looking for another person, make sure you are truly happy. Happiness comes from within, not from someone else.
À bientôt,
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